Comedian Jokes are here to make you laugh out loud! 😄
I know you love a good joke, and trust me, we’re just two friends having a fun chat about all the hilarious moments that can brighten your day.
Whether you enjoy stand-up, funny stories, or just need a quick laugh, these jokes are made for you.
So sit back, relax, and let’s enjoy some real laughs together! 🎭
Funny Comedian Jokes
- 😂 Why don’t skeletons fight? They don’t have the guts.
- 😅 My WiFi isn’t slow — it’s just saving energy.
- 🤣 I told my suitcase we’re not traveling this year; now it’s full of emotional baggage.
- 😆 Parallel lines have so much in common… shame they’ll never meet.
- 😂 I tried to catch fog yesterday — I mist.
- 🤭 My bed and I are perfect for each other — but my alarm clock keeps trying to break us up.
- 😄 I don’t trust stairs; they’re always up to something.
- 🤣 I used to play piano by ear… now I use my hands.
- 😅 I asked my dog what’s two minus two — he said nothing.
- 😂 I threw a boomerang years ago; now I live in fear.
- 😆 If laziness was an Olympic sport, I’d come in fourth so I don’t have to step on the podium.
- 🤣 I’m great at multitasking — I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.
- 😅 My wallet is like an onion — opening it makes me cry.
- 😂 I don’t need a hairstylist; my pillow gives me a new look every morning.
- 🤭 I’m on a seafood diet — I see food and I eat it.
- 😆 My phone battery lasts longer than most relationships.
- 🤣 I told my computer I needed a break — now it won’t stop sending me KitKat ads.
Best Comedian Jokes
- 🌟 I asked the gym instructor to teach me the splits — he said it requires flexibility… I said I can’t on weekdays.
- 😂 Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
- 😆 My boss told me to have a good day — so I went home.
- 🤣 I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not so sure.
- 😄 I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes — she hugged me.
- 😂 My mirror and I are on bad terms — it keeps reflecting badly on me.
- 😅 I’m reading a book about anti-gravity — it’s impossible to put down.
- 🤭 If a parsley farmer gets sued, can they garnish his wages?
- 🌟 I ate a clock once — it was very time consuming.
- 😂 I’m not lazy; I’m on energy-saving mode.
- 😆 My car’s GPS told me to turn around — now we’re arguing.
- 🤣 I used to be addicted to soap — but I’m clean now.
- 😄 My friend said he didn’t understand cloning — I told him that makes two of us.
- 😂 The rotation of Earth really makes my day.
- 😅 I don’t trust atoms — they make up everything.
- 🤭 I asked my dog to do the dishes — he just looked at me like I’m barking mad.
- 🌟 I tried to eat healthy — but the cookies kept talking to me.
Stand Up Comedian Jokes
- 🎤 I’m on a whiskey diet — I’ve lost three days already.
- 😂 My doctor told me to watch my drinking… so now I drink in front of a mirror.
- 🤣 I asked my parents if I was adopted — they said “Not yet, but we’re trying.”
- 😆 I told my wife she draws her eyebrows too high — she looked surprised.
- 🎤 I’m not saying I’m old, but my birth certificate is expired.
- 😂 I hate when people say “age is just a number” — yeah, tell that to my knees.
- 🤣 If stress burned calories, I’d be invisible.
- 😅 My barber asked how I want my hair — I said “Quietly.”
- 🎤 I’m great at cooking — I can set off the smoke alarm from any room.
- 😂 I tried meditation — but my anxiety was like “Move over, I’m driving.”
- 😆 I bought a dog to help me relax — now we’re both stressed.
- 🤣 My refrigerator just broke — now I can only chill emotionally.
- 🎤 I’m an expert at wasting time efficiently.
- 😂 I used to run marathons — now I barely run errands.
- 🤣 I told my bank I lost my credit card — they said the thief spends less than I do.
- 😆 If sarcasm burned calories, I’d have a six-pack.
- 🎤 I’m not out of shape — the shape I’m in just isn’t popular.
Comedian Jokes for Kids
- 🧒😂 Why did the cookie go to the hospital? It felt crumby.
- 😺🤣 What do cats like to read? Catalogs.
- 🐶😄 Why did the dog sit in the shade? It didn’t want to be a hot dog.
- 🐣😆 What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back? A stick.
- 😂🍎 Why did the apple stop in the middle of the road? It ran out of juice.
- 🐸😅 What do frogs wear in summer? Open-toad shoes.
- 🐻🤣 What’s a bear without teeth? A gummy bear.
- 🚀😄 Why did the astronaut break up with the moon? It needed space.
- 🐠😂 What do fish play? Salmon says.
- 🍌😆 Why did the banana go to school? To become a smart banana.
- 🐷🤣 What’s a pig’s favorite karate move? Pork chop.
- 🦆😅 Why do ducks make great detectives? They always quack the case.
- 🍕😂 Why did the pizza apply for a job? It needed dough.
- 🐰😄 What kind of music do rabbits like? Hip-hop.
- 🐵🤣 Why did the monkey like the banana? Because it had appeal.
- 🧃😆 Why did the juice box blush? It saw the apple cider.
- 🐔😂 Why did the chicken join the band? It had drumsticks.
Black Comedian Jokes
- 🎤😆 My mom didn’t need WiFi — she had “Because I said so” connection.
- 😂🔥 Parents don’t need alarms; they just flip the lights like police sirens.
- 🤣👟 I run faster when someone yells “Who touched the thermostat?”
- 😅📱 My phone battery lasts longer than my willpower on a diet.
- 🎤🤭 I asked my aunt for advice — she gave me a whole TED Talk.
- 😂🍗 I don’t trust anyone who says they don’t like fried chicken.
- 🤣🛒 Grocery stores price healthy food like it’s jewelry.
- 😆🎧 I don’t need therapy — I need noise-canceling family members.
- 😂🔥 My cousins show up late but eat like they arrived yesterday.
- 🎤😄 You ever argue with your mom and lose in the first two words?
- 🤣📺 Remote control fights should be an Olympic sport.
- 😅💸 My wallet stays empty but my cravings stay full.
- 😂🔋 Energy today is on “don’t talk to me.”
- 🎤🤣 My family doesn’t roast — they deep fry.
- 😆🍿 Family gatherings are comedy specials without Netflix.
- 😂🚗 My car makes new sounds every day — it’s dropping mixtapes.
- 🤣☎️ If you miss a call from mom, she calls the whole neighborhood.
BG3 Comedian Jokes (Baldur’s Gate 3 humor)
- ⚔️🤣 Why did my bard fail persuasion? Because even I didn’t believe the lie.
- 🧙😂 My wizard ran out of spell slots — now it’s just emotional damage.
- 😆🐻 Why did the druid stop fighting? He couldn’t bear it.
- 😂🎲 Nat 1: Where confidence goes to die.
- 🤣🗡️ My rogue tried to pickpocket a mimic. Now it’s a group project.
- 😅🔥 My sorcerer used fireball in a small room — now we’re all well done.
- 😂🐸 I kissed a frog thinking it was a druid. Nope, just a frog.
- 🤣🎯 My ranger missed again — tradition continues.
- 😆🧛 Astarion said he’d watch my back… then stole everything in it.
- 😂🛡️ My paladin doesn’t break his oath — he bends it creatively.
- 🤣🤖 Gale acts like he invented magic.
- 😅💀 Shadowheart judging my decisions like I’m her homework.
- 😂🐍 Snake dice rolls strike again.
- 🤣🍷 Lae’zel doesn’t smile — she just tolerates.
- 😆🪄 My warlock asked his patron for help; the patron ghosted him.
- 😂📘 Reading every lore book counts as cardio.
- 🤣💥 Nothing unites a party like a friendly-fire explosion.
Funniest Comedian Jokes
- 😂 My brain has too many tabs open.
- 🤣 I tried to lose weight — but it found me again.
- 😆 Silence is golden… unless you have kids.
- 😂 I’m not short — I’m concentrated awesome.
- 🤣 I’m not late — I’m fashionably delayed.
- 😆 I told my dog a joke — he pawsed for laughter.
- 😂 I don’t need Google — my wife knows everything.
- 🤣 I’m in shape — round is a shape.
- 😆 My patience is like WiFi — weak when too many people use it.
- 😂 My bed and I have a committed relationship.
- 🤣 I sneeze louder than my achievements.
- 😆 I tried yoga — now my body wants revenge.
- 😂 My legs are tired from running out of money.
- 🤣 I save all my energy for doing nothing.
- 😆 Adults don’t cry — they grocery shop.
- 😂 I’m not disorganized — I’m creatively arranged.
- 🤣 My laugh has a laugh of its own.
Good Comedian Jokes
- 🙂😂 Why don’t calculators get stressed? They’ve got all the answers.
- 😆📦 My life is basically “Out for delivery.”
- 🤣☕ My coffee needs coffee.
- 😂🛌 If sleep was a subject, I’d graduate with honors.
- 😅💡 My ideas come at night — too bad I’m asleep.
- 🙂🤣 My mirror likes to play tricks on me.
- 😆💬 I talk to myself because I need expert advice.
- 😂🥤 Water tastes better at 2 a.m.
- 🤣🧊 I’m cool — sometimes frozen.
- 😄🚀 My dreams are big; my motivation is small.
- 😂📚 My brain files everything under “Later.”
- 🤣🛒 I shop like I’m rich — then check out like I’m broke.
- 😆🔑 I lose keys inside my own pockets.
- 😂🎧 Music fixes everything except playlists.
- 🤣💻 My laptop fan sounds like it’s taking off.
- 😅📅 My schedule and I are not friends.
- 🙂😂 Reality hits harder than Monday.
Stand-Up Comedian Jokes
(Different from earlier — fresh set)
- 🎤😂 I don’t trust elevators — they’re always up to something.
- 😆🤣 My diet plan is simple: don’t eat after midnight or before it.
- 🎤😅 My sleep routine is like a plot twist — unpredictable.
- 😂🎤 My memory is so bad, I forget why I walked into my own jokes.
- 🤣😆 I’m great at giving advice — just not taking it.
- 🎤😄 My life is a comedy — I’m just waiting for the applause.
- 😂🤭 I clean my house by moving things from one pile to another.
- 😆🤣 My alarm clock and I are in a toxic relationship.
- 🎤😅 I don’t sweat — I sparkle under pressure.
- 😂🎤 My brain runs faster when I’m trying to sleep.
- 🤣😆 If laughter is medicine, then I’m overdosing.
- 🎤😄 My wallet has trust issues.
- 😂🤭 I’m fluent in “I’ll do it tomorrow.”
- 😆🤣 I’m faster at online shopping than real shopping.
- 🎤😅 My superpower is ignoring responsibilities.
- 😂🎤 My calendar has more crossed-out plans than actual plans.
- 🤣😆 I’m not indecisive — I’m just exploring options.
Conclusion
Comedian jokes bring instant entertainment, boost engagement, and help you connect with your audience effortlessly.
Whether you need funny, clean, gaming-themed, kid-friendly, or stand-up-style humor, this collection gives you a complete set of 17 jokes per category so you never run out of content.
Use them for posts, captions, conversations, or pure enjoyment — and get ready to make people laugh everywhere.
I’m the Joke Master behind JokeDrops.com. I live to make people laugh with clever puns, funny lines, and daily humor drops. Spreading smiles is my favorite job — one joke at a time!
