Pirate Joke collections are sailing the internet seas in 2025, bringing laughter sharper than a cutlass and funnier than a parrot’s squawk.
If you’re a fan of classic pirate humor, looking for quick one-liners, or just want to drop a witty punchline in your crew’s group chat, these jokes never fail to make people smile.
With pirate-themed content trending on TikTok, memes, and reels, there’s no better time to enjoy some yo-ho-ho-worthy laughs.
Get ready to laugh harder than a pirate finding free treasure!
Pirate Joke Driving Me Nuts
Here are 17 hilarious pirate jokes all about the classic phrase “driving me nuts” ⚓🌰
- 🏴☠️ Why did the pirate go to the doctor? Because his parrot kept driving him nuts.
- 🌰 What do you call a pirate with an itchy beard? Driving me nuts pirate!
- ⚓ Why did the pirate quit his job? The sea was driving him nuts.
- 🏴☠️ Why did the pirate hate coconuts? Because they were driving him nuts.
- 🌰 Why did the pirate wear earmuffs? His crew was driving him nuts.
- ⚓ Why did the pirate avoid squirrels? Because they kept driving him nuts.
- 🏴☠️ Why did the pirate yell at his compass? Because it was driving him nuts.
- 🌰 Why did the pirate dislike walnuts? They were always driving him nuts.
- ⚓ Why did the pirate run away from monkeys? They were driving him nuts.
- 🏴☠️ Why did the pirate hate math? Fractions kept driving him nuts.
- 🌰 Why did the pirate shout at the anchor? It was driving him nuts.
- ⚓ Why did the pirate hate silence? The ticking clock was driving him nuts.
- 🏴☠️ Why did the pirate quit fishing? The waves were driving him nuts.
- 🌰 Why did the pirate hate hammocks? They were swinging and driving him nuts.
- ⚓ Why did the pirate cover his ears? His crewmates were driving him nuts.
- 🏴☠️ Why did the pirate leave the tavern? The music was driving him nuts.
- 🌰 Why did the pirate scream at coconuts? They were literally driving him nuts.
Dirty Pirate Joke
Cheeky pirate humor for adults only 🏴☠️🍷
- 🏴☠️ Why don’t pirates take baths? They just wash up on shore.
- 🍷 Why did the pirate blush? He saw the captain’s booty.
- 🏴☠️ Why was the pirate always dirty? He refused to scrub the deck.
- 🍷 What did the pirate say in the hot tub? Arrr, this water be steamy.
- 🏴☠️ Why did the pirate get in trouble at the tavern? He was caught with another sailor’s rum.
- 🍷 Why do pirates make bad lovers? They’re always lost at sea.
- 🏴☠️ What did the pirate say to his date? Arrr, you look ship-shape.
- 🍷 Why did the pirate sit in the mud? He liked it dirty.
- 🏴☠️ Why don’t pirates clean their boots? They like them filthy.
- 🍷 Why did the pirate bring a mop to bed? To clean up his mess.
- 🏴☠️ Why do pirates love dirty jokes? Because they’re never clean shaven.
- 🍷 What did the pirate say about his messy ship? It’s just my dirty lifestyle.
- 🏴☠️ Why did the pirate get kicked out of the brothel? Too much booty talk.
- 🍷 Why do pirates never shower? Salt water does the job.
- 🏴☠️ What did the pirate do in the barn? Had a hay of a time.
- 🍷 Why do pirates love mud wrestling? It gets them dirty.
- 🏴☠️ What did the pirate say in the dirt? Arrr, I’m grounded.
Pirate Joke for Kids
Clean, silly, and fun jokes for little pirates 🏴☠️🧸
- 🏴☠️ Why couldn’t the pirate play cards? Because he was standing on the deck.
- 🧸 What’s a pirate’s favorite subject? Arrr-t.
- 🏴☠️ What’s a pirate’s favorite letter? Arrrr!
- 🧸 Why don’t pirates go to school? They already know their A, B, Seas.
- 🏴☠️ Why did the pirate bring a pencil? To draw his sword.
- 🧸 What’s a pirate’s favorite toy? Arrrr-action figures.
- 🏴☠️ What’s a pirate’s favorite food? Fish and ships.
- 🧸 Why did the pirate wear a bandage? He had a boo-boo.
- 🏴☠️ What do pirates sing at birthdays? Yo-ho-ho and a bottle of cake.
- 🧸 What’s a pirate’s favorite color? Gold.
- 🏴☠️ Why don’t pirates play soccer? They’re afraid of the penalty box.
- 🧸 Why do pirates carry a sword? To cut through seaweed.
- 🏴☠️ Why did the pirate go to bed early? He was ship-tired.
- 🧸 Why did the pirate get a teddy bear? He wanted a cuddly matey.
- 🏴☠️ Why don’t pirates play hide-and-seek? Because they always get spotted.
- 🧸 What do pirates say when they’re happy? Arrr-mazing!
- 🏴☠️ Why do pirates always carry treasure maps? Because X marks the spot.
Driving Me Nuts Pirate Joke
More nutty pirate fun 🌰⚓
- 🏴☠️ Why did the pirate run from the squirrel? It was driving him nuts.
- 🌰 Why did the pirate curse at coconuts? They were driving him nuts.
- ⚓ Why did the pirate yell at the sea gull? It was driving him nuts.
- 🏴☠️ Why did the pirate hate his hammock? It was swinging and driving him nuts.
- 🌰 Why did the pirate avoid walnut trees? They were driving him nuts.
- ⚓ Why did the pirate stomp on peanuts? They were driving him nuts.
- 🏴☠️ Why did the pirate throw away cashews? They were driving him nuts.
- 🌰 Why did the pirate shout at almonds? They were driving him nuts.
- ⚓ Why did the pirate hate the anchor? It was driving him nuts.
- 🏴☠️ Why did the pirate quit the band? The drums were driving him nuts.
- ⚓ Why did the pirate avoid squirrels? They were driving him nuts.
- 🏴☠️ Why did the pirate give up chess? Pawns were driving him nuts.
- 🌰 Why did the pirate hate coconuts? Too hard and driving him nuts.
- ⚓ Why did the pirate get mad at ropes? Knots were driving him nuts.
- 🏴☠️ Why did the pirate yell at the clock? Ticking was driving him nuts.
- 🌰 Why did the pirate scream at peanuts? They were driving him nuts.
Tell Me a Pirate Joke
Classic pirate jokes you can share anywhere 🏴☠️😂
- 🏴☠️ Why don’t pirates go to strip clubs? They already have all the booty.
- 😂 Why couldn’t the pirate say the alphabet? He always got lost at C.
- 🏴☠️ What’s a pirate’s favorite instrument? The guitarrrr.
- 😂 Why did the pirate cross the road? To get to the other side, arrr!
- 🏴☠️ Why did the pirate always win fights? He had a hook.
- 😂 Why don’t pirates go camping? They’re afraid of the bearrrs.
- 🏴☠️ Why did the pirate go to school? To improve his arrrticulation.
- 😂 Why did the pirate love his iPhone? Because it had an “i”-patch.
- 🏴☠️ What do pirates say on Christmas? Yo-ho-ho-ho!
- 😂 Why was the pirate bad at bowling? He had only one arm.
- 🏴☠️ Why did the pirate sit at the bar alone? He had no matey.
- 😂 What do you call a pirate with two eyes and two legs? A rookie.
- 🏴☠️ Why don’t pirates go to weddings? Too much commitment.
- 😂 Why did the pirate bring a ladder to the ship? To reach high seas.
- 🏴☠️ What’s a pirate’s favorite type of music? Rock the boat.
- 😂 Why do pirates love Halloween? Free booty.
- 🏴☠️ Why did the pirate laugh at jokes? Because he found them arrr-larious.
Operate Me Nuts Pirate Joke
More variations to make you laugh 🌰🤣
- 🏴☠️ Why did the pirate hate monkeys? They drove him nuts.
- 🌰 Why did the pirate avoid peanut butter? It drove him nuts.
- 🤣 Why did the pirate scream at almonds? They drove him nuts.
- 🏴☠️ Why did the pirate hate squirrels? They drove him nuts.
- 🌰 Why did the pirate yell at coconuts? They drove him nuts.
- 🤣 Why did the pirate avoid walnut trees? They drove him nuts.
- 🏴☠️ Why did the pirate quit fishing? Waves drove him nuts.
- 🌰 Why did the pirate avoid cashews? They drove him nuts.
- 🤣 Why did the pirate leave the tavern? Singing drove him nuts.
- 🏴☠️ Why did the pirate hate ropes? Knots drove him nuts.
- 🌰 Why did the pirate hate peanuts? They drove him nuts.
- 🤣 Why did the pirate curse at squirrels? They drove him nuts.
- 🏴☠️ Why did the pirate hate silence? Tick-tock drove him nuts.
- 🌰 Why did the pirate hate coconuts? They drove him nuts.
- 🤣 Why did the pirate hate almonds? They drove him nuts.
- 🏴☠️ Why did the pirate shout at the anchor? It drove him nuts.
- 🌰 Why did the pirate hate chestnuts? They drove him nuts.
Best Pirate Joke
The ultimate collection of laughs 🏴☠️🌟
- 🏴☠️ Why couldn’t the pirate play cards? He was standing on the deck.
- 🌟 Why don’t pirates go to movies? They sit through too many trailers.
- 🏴☠️ Why was the pirate so mean? He had a chip on his shoulder.
- 🌟 What’s a pirate’s favorite place? Arrrr-kansas.
- 🏴☠️ Why did the pirate go broke? He couldn’t find his treasure chest.
- 🌟 Why don’t pirates jog? They prefer to walk the plank.
- 🏴☠️ What’s a pirate’s favorite food? Rum cake.
- 🌟 Why did the pirate love fishing? It was his reel hobby.
- 🏴☠️ Why don’t pirates use GPS? They follow X marks the spot.
- 🌟 What’s a pirate’s favorite sport? Sailing.
- 🏴☠️ Why did the pirate bring a broom? To sweep the seas.
- 🌟 Why did the pirate always win? He had sea-crets.
- 🏴☠️ Why was the pirate always calm? He found his inner arrr.
- 🌟 Why did the pirate eat crackers? To go with his cheese chest.
- 🏴☠️ Why did the pirate sing loudly? He loved sea-shanties.
- 🌟 Why do pirates hate storms? They rock the boat.
- 🏴☠️ Why did the pirate love gold? It was his treasure pleasure.
Pirate Joke About Driving Me Nuts
More nutty twists 🥥⚓
- 🏴☠️ Why did the pirate yell at the coconuts? They were driving him nuts.
- 🥥 Why did the pirate throw peanuts overboard? They were driving him nuts.
- ⚓ Why did the pirate hate monkeys? They were driving him nuts.
- 🏴☠️ Why did the pirate shout at the anchor? It was driving him nuts.
- 🥥 Why did the pirate avoid cashews? They were driving him nuts.
- ⚓ Why did the pirate hate squirrels? They were driving him nuts.
- 🏴☠️ Why did the pirate curse at almonds? They were driving him nuts.
- 🥥 Why did the pirate hate walnuts? They were driving him nuts.
- ⚓ Why did the pirate stomp on peanuts? They were driving him nuts.
- 🏴☠️ Why did the pirate scream at chestnuts? They were driving him nuts.
- 🥥 Why did the pirate run from squirrels? They were driving him nuts.
- ⚓ Why did the pirate hate knots? They were driving him nuts.
- 🏴☠️ Why did the pirate quit fishing? The waves were driving him nuts.
- 🥥 Why did the pirate hate coconuts? They were driving him nuts.
- ⚓ Why did the pirate avoid nutty snacks? They were driving him nuts.
- 🏴☠️ Why did the pirate throw away almonds? They were driving him nuts.
- 🥥 Why did the pirate hate the crow’s nest? It was driving him nuts.
Conclusion
Pirate jokes are the perfect way to share laughter, whether with kids, friends, or even at parties.
From silly nut jokes to clever one-liners, this treasure chest of humor has something for everyone.
Keep these handy, share them with your crew, and you’ll always have a laugh ready to set sail.
